“I am very thankful and contented with what I have, yet everyday, I continue to stay hungry to do more, and make a bigger difference, to the people I love, and to the rest of the community.” This, was my response when a group of undergrads asked me about how I find happiness.
Happiness is the key to a longer and healthier life. Everyone in life is searching for happiness, with people around the world having different perceptions of happiness. Some measure their happiness by the ability to reach their dreams, others by the circle of friends and family they have, while others claim the wealth determines happiness that a person has. However, irrespective of how you perceive happiness, here are some of the things that I personally find useful to embrace. I hope this sharing can encourage many out there, like I was blessed with a similar article years back.
1. Developing the understanding of things that one cannot change
Many may know, that I lost a mentee to suicide in 2018, when I was unable to travel to his country as regularly as before, and when we lost touch. That sparked the vision to build WeConnect (weconnectapp.org) to build an ecosystem of support through mentor & learning. One thing I last recalled him telling me was that he felt that there was no way he could ever recover from broken relationships with his girlfriend, and his father. Till today, I still wished I had spent a little more effort to follow up and let him know that there are things in life we cannot change.
It is important to note that you do not always have control over everything. We live in a world influenced by external forces that are way beyond our capabilities to change. As Richo (2006) presented, things do not always go as we have planned. No one expected Covid-19 to hit the world in 2020, no one expected it to become a global pandemic, no one expected a vaccine to be found, no one knows what happen next . What one knows is how you can best use the time you spent at home with your family during lock down, how you plan each zoom meeting effectively such that participants do not get zoom fatigue, we know how we can communicate & work with respect. Therefore, happiness lies at the very bottom of us accepting and appreciating life as it comes. This way, you will avoid disappointments that are triggered by the uncertainties of life.
2. Understanding that pain is part of life
Like there is pleasure in life, you need to understand that pain will come once in a while. Committing oneself to be happy does not mean that there won’t be sad moments. As humans, there will always be painful experiences such as a breakup, losing a job, and losing a loved one. As much as I appear strong in many of my speaking engagement, I will be lying if I say I have gotten over the loss of loved ones. I just accept it, move on and focus on other things, and try my best to do what is right for the people around those I love.
According to Juma (2020), withstanding pain and developing the ability to overcome pain allows humans to realize the preciousness of life fully. Therefore when you go through painful situations, think of it as a temporary phase in life and eventually learn to appreciate life more, including choosing to be happy even when situations are worse. At these moments, staying happy might require you to draw inspiration from many sources such as from friends, listening to music, or from listening to people who have gone through a similar experience.
If you see life as a journey, each difficult situation, when overcame well, will make you better prepared for the next. As we concluded 2020 few days ago, take this time to reflect on the tough times you had, and ask yourself how you can better handle similar situations when they come again. You will be more prepared, you will be stronger.
Purpose is my secret formula, and when you know why you exist and where you are headed, you can connect the dots to see how you have been pruned and prepared to face the realities of achieving your purpose. Reach out to me directly as I share what I have discovered about finding life’s purpose.
3. Learning to be grateful
When I wake up daily, I thank God for being alive, and for a wonderful day ahead. This is my way of appreciating every little thing I have. I teach my kids to say “thank you” for even the slightest blessing they have received, and perhaps, sometimes we may over do it. But well, what harm does it do to over-thank someone?
Being grateful is an essential tool for maintaining happiness. A study done by Coombe and Anderson (2020) indicated that being grateful improved a person’s feeling of happiness. Appreciating the things that you have in life will allow you to start your day with a smile. Being grateful at all times requires one to understand that people around you will not always be loving and appreciative. According to Richo (2006), people are not always loyal and loving, and it is something that we need to understand to stay happy. People are imperfect, as we are. Yet, learning to appreciate and show affection (even for those who do not deserve) whenever we can will help us boost our levels of happiness and others’ happiness.
I wish for all of my readers to be happy. We wish for you to find a listening ear, and to be supported in your journey towards success.
Join us at www.VoicesOfAsia.org to find a mentor, a friend and lots of learning opportunities.
Love to hear your thoughts…
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Kelvin Kong, Founder & Mentor, Voices Of Asia & Chief People Officer, Lazada Singapore
